I CRIED AS IF I WAS HIS DAUGHTER

He held my fingers to my mouth and said hush little girl
because right now only me and you exist in this world.
He took off his pants and began unzipping mine.

I cried while thinking this isn’t the way I envisioned my first time
but when I saw the blood pore from my legs,
I thought if it wasn’t me the tears another girl would shed.
I looked him in his eyes and realized that he was old enough to be someone’s father,
so I cried as if I was his daughter,
as I felt my insides being slaughtered.
I cried like she cried at night,
locking her door praying for the illuminating existence of sunlight
because when night came he came, pain came.
Hoping that a bath could wash away the shame,
hoping that a bath could wash away the sores that her vagina bore when her hymen was torn.
Her bath washed away the semen
but it didn’t wash away the memories of when he forced her to get on her knees and suck his
so I cried as if I was his daughter because of that rage and that possible AIDS between my legs,
it could never add up to her pain, her distortion and her three different abortions and that one suicide not that she wrote saying mom, “I gotta go, don’t find out why I did this I love you. Even though I felt all alone just find a way to continue to be strong.”
As he rammed his fingers in me I thought of reaching in my heart and pulling out my soul,
now my ninety-eight point six degree body turned cold.
I cried as if I was his daughter, lying there trying to hide her privates.
This gave her reason to believe that God didn’t exist.
Her mother knew that she heard sounds in the other room
but she forced herself to believe that they were only cartoons as he licked my body up and down.
I hope that he would ejaculate enough that in his own semen he would drown.
He carved his name in my uterus so that my first born child could on be as cursed as him thinking that this only happened in movies,
she was the main character in the movie when she cried and he opened her credits.
Too scared of the night, that is why she wished for ongoing sunlight.
When he got off me I swear, I stabbed myself like his daughter cried because another pain wouldn’t feel good right now.
I stabbed myself like his daughter cried because I could no longer look in the mirror.
I stabbed myself like his daughter cried for him making me want to be gay.
I stabbed myself like his daughter cried over the 160 babies that would be raped the next day.
I cried as if I was he daughter because of that rage, that possible AIDS between my legs it could never add up to her pain, her distortion her three different abortions . That one suicide note that she wrote saying,
Mom I gotta go.
Don’t find out why I did this, I love you.
Even though I know all along, but honestly nothing more tragic could help me write a better poem .
I looked him in his eyes and realized that he was old enough to be someone’s father,
I looked him in his eyes and realized that he was old enough to be someone’s father

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Laughter is the best medicine, Smile, Laugh, enjoy!

REALLY HILARIOUS. I LOVE IT

Endless Light and Love

My Dear Friends,

Please take a few minutes out of your busy day, smile, laugh and bring some joy to your day, please also share with your friends and family.

Namaste with Love

Mark

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BLACK AND BLUE

I know a group of women who eulogize ex-lovers in tattoos

Their pain paints it in hues

Saying when you loved me, you left a bad taste in my skin

Bruises on my chin

Bitter kiss,bloody lips.

So I don’t speak much anymore

He has a way of playing tug of war with the woman in her.

As his knuckles stutter down her spine

I wanna tell the girl sitting next to her boyfriend

Praying for invisibility.

That the reflection she sees of herself is the god in him

I wanna tell her

Your boyfriend has fumbling palms

And he loves like he was born with his umbilical cord tied around his neck

And giving him your heart to stand on will never make a man of him.

Just a taller boy

Later when she cleans up the mess he’s made of her

And climbs into bed in heartbreak

She will shiver

Violent as a teacup in an earthquake.

Asking God, why do you make boys that like to unmake girls in the small of a backroom romance?

Boys that like to tinker, like to beat her

Like an inconsistent Mr-Fix-it-man

She used to call them Edward Scissor-hands.

Because when she finally tied herself together with the ribbon of self-respect she had left

He’d always come around and cut the strings

She stopped searching for monsters in her closet.

When she realized they are brave enough to lie next to you

Sweaty with the stench of another woman’s perfume

We are always taught to watch our feet near broken glass

But she has been chasing pavements.

Bloody and barefoot for as long as she can remember

I wanna tell the boy sitting next to his girlfriend

Who wants nothing more than to shrink like a city from the shadow of an ascending airplane

I wanna tell him

Do not build up her sand castles

Knowing the wave in you.

She is a battered beach

You a floodplain lover

Decisive only in your breach

Those sandbags under her eyes

Are from all the times you kissed her too hard.

After years of erosion.

Will her face still be her own?

You have a way making sunsets of her eyelids when the nighttime holds you captive

Broken turns “I love yous” into firebombs.

Resurrections into sleepy hollows

Boy sitting sure and pompous of your force

Like a sleeper volcano.

Why collapse already islands?

Your eruptions, they only rock the ones who

Worship at your feet.

The price she pays to stand hand in hand with a natural disaster.

He is a suicide bomber with no God to run to,

All he has is destruction

And a handicapped heartbeat.

He plays little drummer boy with her broken bones

And he always likes the crescendos best

He is an Icarus of a boy.

Who has sacrificed his soul to a world

That only knew how to collapse on him

But she is not an ocean meant to break his fall

Candlestick legs and a face made of wax.

He fancies himself a match

So he only finds the joy in watching her melt

Just look at her welts.

And I know you’ve kept silent for so long

But it’s time to let the bruises speak for themselves

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DEAR EX LOVER

Dear Ex Lover

I promise I’ll stop chasing your memory in my dreams.

I’ll stop bringing your name up over cups of coffee, muffins, and loneliness.

I will marry a man and I will lay my heart on his chest like red roses on Mahogany caskets and

I’ll have his daughter and she’ll have eyes reminding me that God still believes in second chances and

if she ever decided to love a man,

I will love bravery down her spine.

I will be reminded of all the times that we loved,

like there were expiration dates tattooed on our inner thighs.

If she ever comes home with eyelids like cracking Levis and bruised kneecaps and a heart filled with question marks

I will hold her like my mother never held me.

I will clasp her face in my palms like the new testament on judgement day.

I’ll tell her that love is the passion that allows you to do the right thing, and that no woman can play coaster to a half empty heart.

And if she ever feels as if she is alone,

as if she is a hand-me-down pulled out of the depths of mummy’s closet.

I’ll remember your name and I’ll mumble it under my breath and

if she asks me what I said;

I’ll tell her I know what it’s like to drag a woman out of a cold war and

then being too worn to clean up the battlefield that it has made of you.

I’ll tell her that your heartbeat sounded like gun shells tripping over battered cement.

I’ll tell her that I know what it’s like just to want someone to remember you and

that some women are as foul as expired men in produce isles and

that apologies are like oxygen masks on a hijacked plane.

Forgive yourself before you EVER forgive the person sitting next to you.

I’ll tell her to never regret loving in permanent ink,

and that scars only give you stretch marks,

something to gossip about and

that hearts and stop signs are fraternal twins,

lost in open roads and hollow chests.

And if my daughter’s mirror ever looks unfamiliar and

she’s too embarrassed and proud to run into mummy’s arms I’ll pray,

that she has friends with hearts filled with thousands of fire flies,

who are not too cold to pray with her,

who will tell her to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and find God in the darkness.

If my daughter ever walks in my house like shattering glass,

I’ll tell her about you.

I’ll tell her that we hurt like c-sections birthing dead babies,

and that we cried together,

and we prayed together,

and we smiled together like our smiles were the only ones that mattered in this world.

And that we hurt like women who loved women, who loved people that did no love us.

Dear Ex Lover,

I hope my daughter never knows what a goodbye kiss feels like..

I hope she never knows what “I’ll see you later.” really means.

I hope she never memories the dial-tone of a last conversation,

because a broken heart feels like poisoned butterflies taking their last flutters in the pit of your stomach

Dear Ex Lover,

I hope my daughter never bears her soul at a poetry showcase

with her first love sitting in the audience.

Knowing that the hands he’ll use to applaud her with,

will be the same hands that will never hold her again..

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EARLY DEDICATION TO MY VALENTINE

I know today is  November 28th but happy valentines day
This may be me moving too fast but I couldn’t fathom a reason why I should wait
Because, I’m in a rush to know everything about you
Like,

Will you hold my hand like there’s an inside joke kidding between our palms?
Do you like cotton candy,  revolutions,  knock-knock jokes and waking up whole?
Have you ever shadow-boxed with the man in you?
Have you ever met God crippled and hallowed with forgiveness under your tongue?

Because, I’ve considered loving you like Sunday morning cartoons over soggy cereal
You have a smile that is sunny side up and catches God by surprise
And if I can have a moment with your heart,
I can teach you the difference between forever and eternity
I can show you why Christ invented puzzle pieces in singular souls

But first I have a couple of questions like,
Will you come like the climaxes in my poems between stanza 5 and kind bed sheets?
Do you know how to tie a bow tie?
Do you remember the last place you left your bible?
Do you kiss your mother on the forehead every time you leave your house?
Are you good with your hands?
Do you know the art of crying?
Were you ever an ash knock for a costume party?
Because, I got a thing for leaving my footprints on galaxies.
Are you on a first name basis with God?

Can you hold my soul open like the movie theater doors?
I always wanted our 1st kiss to be on a bridge under an open sky
And right there I wanted you to promise me you’ll never burn it
And if for some reason you happen to
Do you believe in wings?
Because, I’m the type of woman that will sacrifice my spine, soar in the middle of that open sky to reconnect our life times,
And I need to know that you’ll meet me half way
I’m not trying to lince your ring finger

But I really just don’t wanna watch the sunset alone
Your heart looks horizon for me
You have hands that look good for catching fire flies
Will you understand that I’m emotional and I cry?
Will you promise me that you won’t skip rocks from our paddles of tears?
And when we have kids can you teach them how to play ball?
Because, sometimes.It doesn’t take a village to raise a child Just a child core quest

And if I ever fall asleep on your chest and you feel as if I belong there
Can you whisper in my ear happy valentines day
Though I believe I’m your Mrs Right, sometimes I can be very wrong
And for that I left plenty typos in this poem
And when you decide to edit it, use red ink
Because,
I wanna know that you will let something bleed for me, mail it to me, and post mark it with a sign that says love, you remind me of february 14th.

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I WILL WAIT FOR YOU

So it seemed that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands, and ended up with him.
Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, & a thief.

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Cause it was me who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”.
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!
I was gonna make him ‘The One’
You know, I was tired of being alone.
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time,

So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.
He had a… form of Godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me.
Arties so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He sawed,
Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest
To transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!

So now I fully understand,
Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,
How much I need to wait… for You.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..
Cause in the beginning was the Word
And he didn’t even sound or shine on me like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –
Which meant NOTHING.
He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to,
Asking him to fast would be absurd!
So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…
But I know You..
You were already praying for me.
Even never having met me,
Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.
You know….
He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.
I, I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
Attempting to find some closeness,
But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held
Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!
No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’
Passing winks & buying drinks,
I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!
Who flirts with the ideology of,
‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’
NO more.
I’ll stay in my bed alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you.
He won’t even come close,
Our fingers won’t even interlock
We won’t even exchange breath
Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,
From so-called friends & family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’M subject to Him,
He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…

So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham & I would be Sara
Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.
We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son..
I would gain energy simply from the light you shine on me.
I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you.

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if you should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest story ever known
You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning
More than the watchmen wait for the morning…

I will wait.

Posted by acrosticnia in POEMS

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DEPTH OVER DISTANCE (poem)

My nail beds are still painted “Eggplant” for you.

The eggs on your plate are hard scrambled.

Morning, my time comes a bit too early for your blind eyes, for your capable heart.

So I snuck over the sun buttered mountains,

Barely spotted your town of 9000

Entered your storied home and kicked off the snow.

 

Let your Old English Mastiff’s all R240 bark in my face

Lick my black nylons from knee to thigh.

The marble kitchen permanently smelled of cilantro.

And your hands were huge.

With one thumb nail for strumming Flamenco, baby,

I could’ve danced for you all night

Feet like pearls aglow in the lights of your lavender candle

 

There was the labor of music coming from your room

When you locked us in

When you looked at me like my first name was “Now.”

My body instantly visible and pliable

We were naked and raw and it didn’t feel wrong

Our hips like a tide

There was a sea beneath us

Carrying the sort of love nonsense we spelled on sheets, cleft notes and

Time signatures and treble, treble, treble.

 

The first night, you weren’t supposed to undress me, but you did.

I couldn’t resist either.

Just like, just like the first time I grabbed your hand ten minutes after meeting you.

It was like this right here, this artist, this Autistic genius, this flawed beauty, this man who plants lilacs

And drinks vinegar in the morning so

It wasn’t surprising how quickly it all went sour.

You wouldn’t draw me when I asked you to.

Instead you inappropriately used the nib of your calligraphy pen to split boxes

To sculpt the underside of silence

And when you said my name over a bowl of cooling soup it lost all its definition.

 

I knew you were in love with a vision, just not the woman attached.

I was afraid to say the wrong thing

To speak strongly

Our last night together, you spilled your ink on the page

I rushed to fill the space with words

We were too holy to bathe

If for an instant the truth is absurd then

Amen to it, and amen to us

I didn’t care whether you were white and skinny

Whether you lived in Oregon or not.

Hell, I wanted you to need a reason to need to make it rhyme

All I needed was a one way heart

And a west coast flight

And I’m not asking you to change your mind

Just, just think about the depth when you remember the distance.

How 3000 miles is not longer than the moments spent between us.

 

Our next fight came quick on the heels of my return.

You didn’t call to say you missed me.

You didn’t call to say you cared.

And just like that, we were over. Easy.

I half laughed.

Half cried.

Didn’t know if it was the jet lag or if I had just gotten used to sleeping in late and calling you mine.

But the whole time, your bed was low and flat.

Scarcely six inches off the ground.

At any point, I could’ve stood to my feet

And walked away.

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been offline for a while

my sincere apologies for being inactive for the past few months. been busy with exams and had lots of studying to do… anyway, as your Xmas gift. I have great posts lined up for you from today. GREAT POEMS. Please visit often. one poem a day

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THAT GIRL (poem)

We got that waiting in the clinic silence.

That shhh don’t tell nobody what we did silence and I’m so tired of being your hamper that

I’m about to dump out those week old stained ketchup secrets and do laundry in that silence you like keeping it quiet.

But my vagina is not your walk in closet.

You wanna stuff your doubts through me,

wanna place to hang up you insecurities,

want me to keep check of you hand-me downs and Prada,

waiting for every occasion to put me back behind closed doors and lock me in the darkness.

Nobody knows you hold my hand and nobody knows I call you baby

and nobody know you write anonymous poems about me

the type you can’t post on Facebook.

Because regardless of what you may think,

I’m worth more than you deserve.

I will never be that girl,

the girl that’s only allowed to make you smile when

she’s making you orgasm,

that girl whose day job is daydreaming waiting for her night job.

That girl who´s so in love

she´ll turn her body over for your superficial touch.

You hide me behind lock doors and bed-sheets

because if you dare reached out

then everybody would still know that it was still about me.

So that in your heart and in your mind your still wrapped up in me.

My teardrops you own them,

my hearts says you got them tied around your pencils and figures.

Yea, you may say it´s over

and you may never tell me that you love me

but you don’t have to

cause your silence speaks volume.

You wanna hold me in your arms rock me to sleep

then act like you don’t know me.

As if the moments we spent together are some kind of down payment.

As if my bedroom were lay away and

that’s all you ever do is layaway

roll up beside me

but in the morning pull up the hoodie and run the other way.

I’m like that bastard child

the reason Daddy never stuck around

in the first place

but for me rejection doesn’t come every other weekend..

It comes when you lower your head and

pass by without speaking and

I remember there was a time you could barely take your eyes off me.

I just don’t understand why it’s not okay for you to love me.

I guess you just want me to be that girl. .

the girl everybody wants to sleep with

but nobody wants to be with.

That girl whose only good enough for finding a suitable replacement.

And not trying to make up for the mistake

but you try to convince yourself that she means everything and

you want nothing to do with me

but come on baby she looks just like me.

Read the signs or at least the facial features

cause I was your first,

your only,

the prototype and she´s just a duplicate

and you can never make copies without first consulting the blueprint!

You know what they say

the sequel is never better than the original.

And she tries to write you stories

but their only half as good,

so half squinting you only hold her half as tight as you should.

Cause your other half is tangled between my bed-sheets,

and your other half is complete within my mind, soul, and body,

and your other half is french tonguing me Monday through Friday.

I’m not fighting for joint custody.

I’m fighting for RESPECT

cause I will never be content with being your back door hoe.

Your something on the side,

your something to do on those lonely weekends,

your closet freak.

You will never produce me to be a skank and a whore that will love you.

Id rather spend every night crying alone on my bedroom floor

than to ever be

“THAT GIRL”

Posted by acrosticnia in POEMS Tags: alysia, crazy, crazy girl, love, love game, sadpoem, thatgirl

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Oh Lord, Help Me To Be a Better Woman

Today women are seen doing alot of bad things, those of which ends up hurting those around them. They cheat, destroy each other’s families. They lie to their husbands. They steal from them. Help me Lord to be a better woman like those ones found on the Holy Bible

——————————————————–
Judges 4 = Jael

Give me her sweet heart and hospitality. She was a strong woman who defeated the beast that was oppressing the Israelites for 20years.

Help me Lord to know when my family is in danger, help me identify the culprit that would destroy my family. Give me the power and wisdom to protect them.

1 Samuel 1 = Hannah

Strengthen my trust in you Lord, so I should not look the other way but where the son rose. Just like Hannah, the first of two wives of Elkanah trusted You.

She poured her heart unto You, she trusted no herb nor did she pay mind on her biological clock; for she serves the master of time. It was very hard for her to endure the pain Peninnah put her through. Help me bear Samuel Oh Lord, so he could serve you with his Life.

1 Samuel 25 = Abigail

I do not know what kind of a man I will marry. But if it happens that he is like Nabal, Help me Lord to have Abigail’s heart. With a wicked and self-centered man she managed to be humble and honest.

She protected her family by her kindness and wisdom you put in her. And within her virtue of honesty and desire to protect her family, David saw a true woman in her. And he married her after her husband’s death.

Esther 1-8 = Esther

She was married to the king, but he did not know she was a Jew. When the king’s right-hand man, Haman planned to kill the Jews; Esther’s uncle Mordecai found out. He went to Esther and asked her to go before the king and ask that the family of Israel be spared.

Even if she was a queen, she could not go before the king uninvited. Lord I ask you to make me as brave as she was, with the meal she prepared and shared with the king and Haman; her humble words got to the king.

Haman was hung on the gallows that were built for Mordecai.

Luke 10: 38-42 = Martha and Mary

Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to His words. Martha meanwhile, was distracted with preparing and serving the meal for Jesus and His disciples.

Mary knew what was important, she gave Jesus her attention that he deserves, and through that she was empowered. But Martha also did something important, she offered her service. Help me Lord to possess these characters. For that makes a good woman.

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